New to McDaniel: Intramural Bear Wrestling
[Disclaimer: This article was originally published on April Fools’ Day, and it should not be interpreted as factual reporting.] As many students know, intramural sports are a great way of…
The Funion
Campus Safety Cites North Village Parking Lot for Possession of Hard Liquor
[Disclaimer: This article was originally published on April Fools’ Day, and it should not be interpreted as factual reporting.] A number of students were surprised Sunday morning to find a…
McPorn: The New Hoover Library Sessions
[Disclaimer: This article was originally published on April Fools’ Day, and it should not be interpreted as factual reporting.] Almost all of us have watched porn – that is a…
McDaniel Introduces “Name Change Complaint” Fine
[Disclaimer: This article was originally published on April Fools’ Day, and it should not be interpreted as factual reporting.] McDaniel College has unveiled its newest fundraising program, with high hopes…
Sex, Alcohol, and Pornography Banned from McDaniel
[Disclaimer: This article was originally published on April Fools’ Day, and it should not be interpreted as factual reporting.] McDaniel’s hard-fought war on sex, alcohol, and pornography finally came to…
McDaniel Student Suspended for Standing Firm in His Beliefs
[Disclaimer: This article was originally published on April Fools’ Day, and it should not be interpreted as factual reporting.] Last week, sophomore Wallace Carbuncle was unfortunately suspended by the honor…
Exam Triggers Fight or Flight Instinct in Students
[Disclaimer: This article was originally published on April Fools’ Day, and it should not be interpreted as factual reporting.] March 9 was a dark day. Ominous clouds collected, the Earth…
President Casey Denounces Free Press as Fake News
[Disclaimer: This article was originally published on April Fools’ Day, and it should not be interpreted as factual reporting.] President Roger Casey of McDaniel College has declared the Free Press…
Plan to Capture Squirrels Backfires
[Disclaimer: This article was originally published on April Fools’ Day, and it should not be interpreted as factual reporting.] Squirrels are a common sight at McDaniel College: clandestinely rustling in…
Student Falls Asleep on Toilet
[Disclaimer: This article was originally published on April Fools’ Day, and it should not be interpreted as factual reporting.] On the miserable morning of March 5, rumbling down the hallway…
Blue is the New Green?
[Disclaimer: This article was originally published on April Fools’ Day, and it should not be interpreted as factual reporting.] In a shocking twist of events, after beloved therapy dog Blue…
Rice Gallery Puts on Exhibit of Free Press’ Beloved Sports Editor, Atticus Rice
[Disclaimer: This article was originally published on April Fools’ Day, and it should not be interpreted as factual reporting.] The newest installation in McDaniel College’s Rice Gallery, entitled “Grains of…
Photo Essay: Campus Eyesores
Student Begins Collecting Minors, Becomes a Self-designed Major
[Disclaimer: This article was originally published on April Fools’ Day, and it should not be interpreted as factual reporting.] “One of the beauties about liberal arts education is the fact…
McDaniel Introduces Undead Education Rights
[Disclaimer: This article was originally published on April Fools’ Day, and it should not be interpreted as factual reporting.] In a surprising move earlier this month, McDaniel College made the…
Students Create Cult to Lower Tuition
[Disclaimer: This article was originally published on April Fools’ Day, and it should not be interpreted as factual reporting.] With rising tuition costs, students have begun to enact drastic measures…
Student Discovers Possible Unicorn Horn on Campus
[Disclaimer: This article was originally published on April Fools’ Day, and it should not be interpreted as factual reporting.] The McDaniel College community has been divided by tensions due to a…
Student Switches Seat After Semester is Half Over
[Disclaimer: This article was originally published for April Fools’ Day, and it should not be interpreted as factual reporting.] On Monday, freshman Mark Reynolds made the decision to sit at…
Sodexo to Offer New Theme Nights This Spring
[Disclaimer: This article was originally published for April Fools’ Day, and it should not be interpreted as factual reporting.] In an effort to offer a wider variety of their somewhat…
In Mix-Up of Unprecedented Proportions, Student Athlete Presents on Supply-Side Economics at Centennial Conference, Runs 400 Meters at Maryland Honors Conference
[Disclaimer: This article was originally published for April Fools’ Day, and it should not be interpreted as factual reporting.] McDaniel student-athlete and honors student Pete Pandowski is able to run…