[Disclaimer: This article was originally published on April Fools’ Day, and it should not be interpreted as factual reporting.]
On March 4, McDaniel College finalized their decision to assign all student drivers a dedicated parking spot beginning in the 2022 Fall semester. Due to an increase in parking-related accidents, injuries, thefts, and fatalities, the College chose to re-evaluate the current systems regarding student parking.
“It’s no secret that nobody on this campus can park their car correctly” said Ricardo Ashley, a student commuter.
Students across campus have shared their complaints regarding the lack of an ability to properly park amongst their peers.
“Maybe next semester I’ll actually be able to park behind Whiteford without dodging the rear bumper of a pickup truck,” Ashley added.
The effort to reform student parking across campus will take place over 13 phases. The first phase of parking reformation will begin with the repainting of parking lines across campus over the coming weeks, successfully (but not surprisingly) disrupting campus life in every capacity. The rest of the phases as outlined in the College’s plan will take place following the conclusion of the spring semester.
Students will be able to apply for a parking pass to be used during the 2022-2023 academic year this summer. After student housing has been assigned, all students who are granted a parking pass will also be randomly assigned a numbered parking spot. Students will then be required to park in their numbered spot throughout the entire academic year.
Additionally, the College has specified that all non-standard sized vehicles, such as pick-up trucks and miniature vehicles such as Smart Cars, will be assigned parking locations within the visitors parking area located next to Kenneth R. Gill Stadium. This decision was made due to the potential risks that pick-up trucks could cause to the population of students who drive reasonably sized vehicles, causing upset among truck drivers.
“Honestly, I should just be commended for parking in the lines in the first place,” said
“If you were so concerned with my parking job, why did you get so close in the first place? Making it in between two out of three lines ain’t bad, as far as I’m concerned,” said Chad Cheggstand, a trusted ally of the Free Press. When the Free Press reached out to see if there was any possibility of more easily accessible parking spaces being created on campus, McDaniel College had no comment on the matter.
