(Editor’s Note: This column by Jen Noel is dedicated to some of the most inane calls to which Campus Safety officers respond ? or should respond. Incidents actually occurred, but the names of the culprits are not included to protect the not-so-innocent).
Jen Noel
Staff Reporter
In hopes that Homecoming would spur some extra activity on the blotter, I waited till deadline to ensure that all the best Lighter Side news could be reported. Not as much commotion as was expected appeared on the crime log, however, do not fear, alumni bring out the best (and worst) here on the Hill.
A common thread filled the pages of the blotter this week: an inability to find the proper place to go the bathroom. I know that Blanche Ward is being renovated, but apparently there must be a shortage of restrooms on campus.
Not one but four accounts of public urination were reported in the last two weeks. One student was caught on October 25 urinating beside a dumpster at Garden Apartments?with Campus Safety parked less than 20 feet away.
On November 9, during Homecoming, a student felt the natural surroundings of the baseball dugouts were the best place to relieve himself. An alumnus didn’t need such a private location, as he decided to let loose on Stadium Drive. I guess the old saying rings true: when you gotta go, you gotta go.
Blanche Ward proved to be a hot spot for activity on campus stealing the title away from Rouzer. On October 26, an individual not associated with the college must have gotten word that the upperclassmen dorm has now been renamed “Hotel Blanche.”
An employee from the physical plant found the individual asleep on a couch in the common room of the building and woke the trespasser to ask why they were there. After running a check on the individual, Campus Safety sent them on their way– with the number for the Best Western of course.
A group of students also thought Blanche was their own personal playground November 1. Campus Safety documented four students for trespassing inside the construction area outside the building. It appears that a child’s love of dump trucks and dirt doesn’t die when they come to college.
Perhaps the best entry on the blotter this week came directly at the hands, or should I say vehicle, of Campus Safety. We really should start enforcing routine driving tests for campus employees as the mail truck driver wasn’t the only one to fail in avoiding parked vehicles.
On October 28, a Campus Safety officer was involved in a vehicle crash with a parked dump truck partially obstructing the traffic lane on Main Street. Maybe it’s just me, but obstructing the lane or not, a large, steel truck is pretty hard to miss.
Although Spiderman didn’t make a dashing return and the rock bandit appears to have learned his lesson, the blotter still provided some “relief” from the mundane happenings on campus.