Not-So-Astrologically-Inspired Horoscopes
Jen Noel and Kris Breeden
Staff Reporters
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): He’s just not that into you?
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20): You are a dear soul. You put up with a lot. Keep on chuggin’.
Aries (March 21-April 19): Hate your job? Look at the positive; you won’t be there forever.
Taurus (April 20-May 20): Don’t be all huffy and puffy. Take down your walls and let people in.
Gemini (May 21-June 21): In the apple pie of life, you are a sweet filling.
Cancer (June 22-July 22): Enjoy your Uggs. It’s almost time to put them in storage (meaning, don’t rock them with the denim skirt).
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22): Patience is a virtue. But if you need a ‘Mean Girl’ moment, that’s OK.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Be careful when you ignore others, even if it’s just a phone call. You never know when you might need them.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 23): Feeling sad? Enjoy a tasty treat, and everything will be better.
Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 21): Though you may be missing someone, don’t worry. They’re missing you too.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Put on your favorite bootsies. Maybe you could even roundhouse kick someone to the face with them.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): On a scale of one to ten, you’re at about an eight. Don’t fall off the wagon.