[Disclaimer: This article was originally published for April Fools’ Day, and it should not be interpreted as factual reporting.]
Residents of upperclassmen dormitories were in for a surprise Wednesday when commercial soap dispensers appeared to have been installed in hall restrooms overnight. The College had not provided soap to these restrooms for as long as anyone could remember.
“I didn’t think I’d ever see the day when McDaniel would actually put soap in the bathrooms,” said one Blanche Ward resident. “But I don’t understand why they weren’t ever there and why they’re there now,” he continued.
According to the Office of Residence Life, the restrooms had remained without soap for years because students had failed to properly report that soap was not there.
“These kids think that if they complain on social media, all their problems will be solved. But because of that, we had no way of knowing that there was any issue with the soap until one student actually bothered to contact Res Life about it,” said one Area Coordinator.
“Res Life then had a meeting about the issue where we decided that yeah, it’s probably our job to put soap in the residence halls.”
Students were generally pleased by the addition of soap to the restrooms, though the frustration that there had not been soap for so long still lingered.
“It’s about time!” exclaimed one irritated Albert Norman Ward Hall resident on her way to the restroom to go wash her hands, “just for the hell of it.”
Students were also relieved that the risk of spreading germs and communicable diseases has been reduced.
“When I blow chunks the morning after a wild night of partying, I’d at least like to be able kill any germs I may have spewed by being able to wash my hands properly,” said a McDaniel Hall resident. “I don’t want to make anyone sick. I’m a good guy,” he added.
Still, some residents couldn’t help but feel disappointed that the College is now providing soap.
“It’s great that McDaniel has finally recognized that they’re obligated to help us stop the spread of germs,” said one sophomore, “But before the college soap came, my RA used to provide really nice smelling soap.”
She added, “Now my hands are all dry and smell way too much like a hospital.”
But actually…
“These kids think that if they complain on social media, all their problems will be solved. But because of that, we had no way of knowing that there was any issue with the soap until one student actually bothered to contact Res Life about it,”