[Disclaimer: This article was originally published on April Fools’ Day, and it should not be interpreted as factual reporting.]
The air’s getting warmer and the sun’s getting brighter as it shines down on McDaniel’s campus this Spring! But the last two years of utter hell in a global pandemic have damaged one of the most pivotal parts of our lives: our Green Terror pride.
That’s right. Have you been feeling your love for McDaniel College slipping through your fingers? Have you found yourself walking outside, the sight of overbearing gray clouds ruining your day? Well fret no longer. On Tuesday, McDaniel’s Administration announced a new plan to raise everyone’s spirits.
“We’ve been seeing more and more drunk students crawling their way into their weekday classes,” said President Julia Jasken. “And we have thought of the perfect plan for a brighter future. All of our grass on campus is now green and gold to show our Green Terror pride!”
Even now, students can walk around campus and notice the stark contrast of green patches of natural turf mixed amongst golden dying grass. How fantastic! The natural beauty of campus embraces our Green Terror pride and allows us to feel welcome and warm each time we step outside.
“I love waking up to dead Golden grass every day,” says senior Tim Jones. “It reminds me of how much money I spend on this school, and the green reminds me of how much I envy the administration for being so smart!”
Other students embrace the bound-to-be tradition by many means. Some spray chemical de-weeder between classes on their lawns, while others rip the green leaves off of the trees to bring inside their dorms, to feel “more in tune with nature,” says junior Kylie Moranne.
When asked about the future of the Green & Gold grass initiative, Jasken had this to say: “In the Winter, snow covers our trees, our grass, and our buildings. We don’t trust our students to recognize the same campus when they come back in Feb. each year, so we’ve worked with the city of Westminster to increase our carbon emissions in order to decrease how much snow is on campus. Students are more productive in warmer weather, so let’s get this baby cooking!”
Jasken had no further comments on the new initiative at McDaniel.
For future updates on McDaniel’s plans for more school spirit, step outside and set fire to your lawn.
