[Disclaimer: This article was originally published on April Fools’ Day, and it should not be interpreted as factual reporting.]
McDaniel College is ready to roll out a new initiative for getting students up and ready for class in the morning. The College will now be employing Greek life members as alarm clocks.
“They put so much effort into yelling, it seemed only fair to present them with the opportunity to capitalize on their skills,” shared Gary Terrance, an administrator.
Now, each morning on the Hill, every student can hear the chants of excited sorority sisters and slumped-over fraternity brothers screaming, joining together in the time-honored tradition of sharing their chants far and wide to everybody, even those who didn’t sign up for it.
“We want everyone to enjoy the services that they didn’t know their money was going towards,” shared Terrance. “It’s a part of the McDaniel commitment we make to students.”
The administration trialed this new amenity over Jan term and the first-year class was raving.
“There’s something about vocalization of pent up hormones that just gets me ready for anything,” said Sherry Wyne. “I can’t wait to contribute to the chorus when it comes my time to join in Greek life,” she added in a shrill voice.
Expect to hear Greek life sounding off at 7 a.m. every morning outside of every residence hall and living structure. Get after it Green Terrors!
