[Disclaimer: This article was originally published on April Fools’ Day, and it should not be interpreted as factual reporting.]
The campus announcements email has become overloaded with information, and a smaller portion of the student body as a whole is reading them as the years go by. In order to combat the length issue, and encourage more students to read these emails, the College has decided to implement a cost-per-word for each announcement submitted to the system.
This cost will vary based on the source of the message—announcements submitted by individual students will be charged at 5 cents per word, while faculty, departments and offices, and student organizations will be charged a discounted price of 3 cents per word. Any submission that contains a link will have an additional $1 charge. This charge will also be multiplied by 1.5 for each subsequent day that the announcement is requested to appear, for a maximum of 3 days.
While there will still be the 500 character limit, members of the campus community are encouraged to spend as much money as they think is necessary to allow them to convey their full message.
Representatives declined to comment when asked where the additional funds earned from this process would be used.
