[Disclaimer: This article was originally published on April Fools’ Day, and it should not be interpreted as factual reporting.]
Remy Travers, a sophomore political science major, has a 15-page research paper due tomorrow, and he needs everyone to know that.
“I’m very busy,” he said, when asked about how his Spring Break was. “All of my professors gave me so much homework — it was way too much to get done in a week. I basically have to write a whole essay tonight. 15 pages is way too long for any assignment, and nothing should be due the week we get back from Spring Break.”
Sharon Morey, a senior English major in the same class, disagrees.
“We’ve known about this assignment since February, I don’t see what the problem is,” she said.
When asked about the length, she answered, “I have a draft for my capstone due a few days from now, and you don’t see me complaining.”
Other students, when asked for their opinion, chose not to comment on Travers’s paper, but instead refuted Morey’s comment, showing her Snapchat story from earlier that day, which stated “i [sic] refuz [sic] to rite [sic] my capstone unless i [sic] am drunkk [sic].”
Travers was last spotted stress-eating cupcakes in Englar Dining Hall, typing frantically into a Word document, and telling nearby students that he was pretty sure that the professor would be fine with 10 pages.
