[Disclaimer: This article was originally published for April Fools’ Day, and it should not be interpreted as factual reporting.]
While students were on Spring Break, administrators and Campus Safety were working closely to give our college transportation system, lovingly known as “The Pickle,” a complete makeover.
“We’re excited to bring these changes to the school,” said President Roger Casey. “It’s more environmentally-friendly and it’ll save us loads on gas money.”
The infamous green vans have been traded in for cash, which the administration plans to use for everything besides what the school truly needs (ahem, a new track). Casey declined to comment as to whether or not some of the funds will go toward his upcoming college president cruise to the Bahamas.
Campo has purchased a large jar of pickles as the core of the new system. Each time students want to travel off campus, they must individually sign out a pickle to take with them by leaving their student ID at the Campus Safety office.
“This new transition promotes both responsibility and healthy living,” said Campus Safety Director James Hamrick. “By encouraging students to walk to where they need to go, we’re doing both them and the environment a favor.”
If students consume their pickles while out and about, they will be charged ten dollars cash and three Glar meals.
“Colleges around the country are becoming more environmentally-conscious, and this is just one step we are taking to make our world a better place,” Casey said.
