[Disclaimer: This article was originally published for April Fools’ Day, and it should not be interpreted as factual reporting.]
The Green Terror (Greenus Terrorious) is an endangered species native to Westminster. McDaniel Facts scholars have been raising the McDaniel Green Terror’s newborn greenling for the last few months. In the event that you, the reader, have to raise a greenling, here are a few tips:
DO’s
Spray a misbehaving greenling with a small bottle of holy water
If it is out of control, do not raise your voice or physically discipline your greenling. This will only serve to anger it. Instead, have a local priest bless some water, preferably gathered from the fountain. Give your greenling a quick spray and the light burning sensation will calm it down.
Take your greenling out hunting periodically
Though now domesticated, the greenling will need to express its predatory impulses. Take your greenling to North Village and it can hunt for small vermin.
Treat your greenling with pub fries and squirrel meat
Reinforce good behavior by giving your greenlings treats. Be careful not to treat your greenling so often that they become spoiled.
Hum the alma mater as you rock your greenling to sleep
The soothing melody of the alma mater is known to appease the restless soul of the green terror. It is also a fan of My Chemical Romance, but just their early work.
DON’Ts
Feed the greenling after midnight
A greenling may become rowdy, or even dangerous, if fed after midnight.
Mention President Casey by name
When referring to President Casey always spell his name or refer to him by a code name e.g. The Rog, Large Father, Big Mac.
Talk about the most recent episode of the Walking Dead
No one likes that.
Show signs of weakness
Always assert that you are the alpha. A green terror can smell fear. Remember that your greenling may be small now, but it holds great power.
