As usual, McDaniel students (especially freshman) have returned to campus with one thing on their minds— partying. Maybe it’s the 400 American Pie films or perhaps the timeless Beastie Boys hit “You Gotta Fight (For Your Right to Party)” that have graduated high school seniors feeling the need to drink every bit of alcohol in sight the second they step onto college campus. Here on the Hill, it’s no different. “September has always been a big month in terms of alcohol violations,” said Director of Campus Safety Mike Webster. McDaniel students did not halt the party with just simple beer drinking though. We racked up an impressive four public urination violations during only the first few weeks back on campus. Over in the North Village apartments, a group of tenants decided to re-enact the classic Super-Chef Bobby Flay vs. Iron Chef Morimoto showdown. Unfortunately, neither competitor had cooked anything but PB&J and Ramon Noodles before, so the competition resulted in a smoke alarm. Twenty-plus innocent bystanders were left stranded out in the early-September monsoon. But the mischief didn’t stop there. After the August 23 earthquake, one student chose to seize the moment of chaos by stealing a golf cart. Regrettably for the criminal mastermind, a Dodge Charger packed a bit more horse power than the electric cart and Campus Safety was able to hound down the suspect after an epic chase across campus. Yet the crimes on the Hill that veered away from normality the most were not committed by students. Campus safety received an urgent call from an animal enthusiast accusing another man of animal abuse. The crime was reported as “ongoing” at Blair stadium. Upon pulling up on the scene, the officer was confused. He only saw a man riding his bicycle with his dog on the leash, while the other man (the accuser) was frantically yelling. When the officer questioned the situation, the accuser howled “are you blind, this man is obviously abusing his dog by walking it on the bike rather than on his own two feet!” In rounding out the creative crimes here on campus, we find ourselves at Hill Hall. A non-student was found sleeping in a classroom during the day. After a questioning and running of the man’s license, Campo quickly learned that the man had numerous arrest warrants in PA. When asked what he was doing in a classroom, the man responded “Classroom? I turned myself in early today— now I’m just serving my time in jail…”
The “Lighter Side” is based on real crimes that occurred here on the McDaniel College Campus. Some of the facts are embellished for entertainment purposes.
