“Don’t have sex if she’s too gone.”
I never want to be that girl. Or that one. Why is every girl in this video naked?
“And when it comes to condoms, put two on.”
And why is there an old lady playing pong in this video? That’s pretty unrealistic. Like, you’d never see anyone over 25 at a college party, right? And I really hope-
“I just want to be Asher Roth,” my friend muses, distracting me from the diatribe in my head. Unlike me, he’s totally jamming out to the music video for “I Love College.” I’m a senior in high school, and all that this video has done for me is make me terrified of falling asleep with my shoes on.
Over a year has passed, and today I can definitely tell you that Asher Roth’s version of college is slightly exaggerated, even though you totally can dance your ass off and get some girl completely naked if that’s your thing.
The one stroke of brilliance in that song lies in the lines “I can’t tell you what I learned in school / but I can tell you a story or two” because that is exactly what college is about. Yes, you’ll be in the classroom a lot, but I guarantee that when you’re reflecting with your friends at the end of this year (and that will come so fast, so enjoy your time!), you definitely won’t say, “Hey, remember that one lecture? Man, I love college.”
You might, however, reminisce about that one time that you had a hill rolling contest on the golf course hill. Or sledded down the golf course hill. Or had a serious conversation on the golf course hill. My very first time hanging out on the hill was in the middle of cross country pre-season with my roommate and a mutual friend at around three in the morning, and I remember feeling really free and giddy and scared all at one time and running down the hill because I didn’t know what else to do with myself.
You might also talk about the time (or times, because I did this a lot) that you spent two hours at a time in Glar, people watching and being introduced to friends of friends and making milkshakes and eating your second and third lunches as the time ticked by.
You’ll talk about that time that you played a murder mystery game at your FYS professor’s house in the fall, the Monday night that you stayed up way too late making paper snowflakes with your roommate to hang on the ceiling when first semester was winding down, and recall with a smile the day in the spring when you spent all afternoon making chalk drawings outside of Whiteford.
Flashes of that time you hiked the AT trail, that one lecture that moved you to tears, the hiccups induced by laughing and the hugs shared only by the best of friends will make you want to skip summer and start Sophomore year right away.
Your freshman year may not be akin to the picture that Asher Roth paints, but regardless of how you choose to spend it, the year come will be unlike any of those before it. It will be a year of newness, a year that will change you, a year that will be impossible to forget.
