There’s nothing innately wrong with the gay boyfriend that offers unique emotional support, writes Leah Beck
We see it in pop culture, literature and our everyday lives. It’s not something that shocks the college age, but our parents might be wary. There’s nothing innately wrong with it, but it often raises eyebrows. I’m talking, of course, about the gay boyfriend.
The gay boyfriend is a simple phenomenon to define, but it’s not so easy to pinpoint the exact reasons for its popularity. After all, wouldn’t most straight women want to spend most of their time with a female friend, someone who can reciprocate feelings or emotions? Or a straight male, for the dating and social side of things?
But, of course, it’s not quite so simple.
As a self proclaimed “fag-hag” I understand the love for boys who like boys. My obsession started with Ricky, the gay best friend of Claire Dane’s character on the early 90s show My So-Called Life. I wanted an eyeliner-wearing, gay best friend to gossip with in the girl’s bathroom. If that was high school, I couldn’t wait.
Ironically enough, the first openly gay man I became friends with was named Ricky, and although Ricky and I soon lost touch?after all, we went to different high schools, so the bathroom conversations were missing?my love of the gays was official.
While many women may have missed out on the gays in high school (I was in choir and theater, the homo-hot-spots), college can offer up plenty of opportunity. I met my gay “husband” here, a man I will only refer to as David Robertson, and most of my experiences revolve around our relationship.
The gay boyfriend (or husband, in some cases) fulfills two important aspects in any woman’s life. He offers the emotional support of a female friend, while also providing a male perspective, but there are a few crucial elements that only the gay boyfriend can provide.
Unlike a female friend, the gay boyfriend holds absolutely nothing back. It’s always out of love, or simply wanting you to look fierce, but the words can sometimes sting?I was once told “honey that color is fabulous on you but your butt looks terrible! Please go find something else to wear on your bottom half!” The gay boyfriend offers us the critiques women secretly want (and sometimes need) but are afraid to ask for.
As for the male side of things, the gays offer the companionship of a man without the pressure of a possible romantic relationship. The social anxiety is lifted, and the most you have to fear is the rejection of your shoes. There are no unwanted sexual advances; of course, the possibility isn’t always ruled out. I’ve certainly cuddled with many of my gays, and David and I even kissed once because we thought it would be fun.
We’ve had sleepovers and dates, and not once did I worry about how attractive I looked or how I was going to be viewed. We’ve gone shopping and gossiped about boys, but we’ve never argued over men because, generally, one of us has an advantage.
I have my actual boyfriend, but I could never survive without my gay boyfriends.
After all, where would Grace be without her Will, Carrie without Stanford, Kathy Griffin without? well? every gay man ever? Most likely we would be lost, confused, empty and, of course, completely underdressed.